✦ political reflection

started thinking where i am politically and what changed since 20s in a post.

✦ on breaking down softly

i wrote a small note in yesterday's family letter — six bullet points on what actually helps when i have a hard emotional moment. it was meant for the people already in the room with me, so it was short, almost clinical in its brevity. but i keep thinking there's more underneath it, and this is the place i put the "more."

i have AuDHD. i got the diagnosis late, in my early thirties, which means i spent most of my life mislabeling what was actually happening in my body as something else — being "too sensitive," being "dramatic," being bad at explaining myself. the truth was closer to a wiring difference than a character flaw, but nobody hands you that reframe early. you build it yourself, slowly, usually after the diagnosis gives you permission to stop blaming yourself for something that was never a moral failing to begin with.

here's a piece of that wiring that took me a long time to name properly: alexithymia, or difficulty recognizing and naming an emotion while it's happening. it's not that i don't feel things — i feel them intensely, often before i have language for them — it's that the gap between "something is happening in my body" and "i know what this is and can tell you" is wider and slower than it is for most people. layer adhd on top and you get word-retrieval failures under load, too — the exact moment i most need language is the moment my working memory is least able to produce it. so a breakdown, for me, often looks less like a clean emotional event and more like a system overwhelmed on multiple fronts at once, with no clear narrator available to explain what's going on from the inside.

this is where the specifics matter. i've learned them mostly through trial, through NVC (nonviolent communication — rosenberg's framework, which i lean on constantly), through physical cue cards that let me point instead of speak, and through people in my life patient enough to notice what actually works instead of what they assume should work.

so, expanded a little from yesterday's letter:

lower and slow your voice. loud or fast speech isn't just unpleasant in that moment — it's additional data my nervous system has to process while it's already over capacity. quiet and slow isn't a mood, it's a bandwidth accommodation.

skip the "why" questions until later. "why are you upset" is a reasonable question asked at the wrong time. in the middle of it, i often don't have the answer yet — not because i'm hiding it, but because the part of my brain that would generate that answer is offline. ask me afterward, once i've had time to reconstruct it.

offer one small, concrete thing instead of an open choice. "what do you need" is a kind question that i frequently cannot answer in the moment, because it requires me to first identify a need, then evaluate options, then choose — three executive steps i don't have access to. "water?" requires only a yes or no. concrete beats open, always, when the system is overwhelmed.

if i ask for space, let me have it without reading it as rejection. this is maybe the one i want to explain most, because it's so often misread. space isn't me pushing someone away — it's how i regulate. staying present while flooded doesn't make the flooding stop faster; it usually makes it last longer. distance is not the absence of connection, it's a tool for returning to connection sooner.

a quiet hand on my shoulder, or just someone sitting nearby, can do more than words. interoception — the sense of what's happening inside your own body — works differently for me too, and sometimes a small, steady physical signal cuts through where sentences don't land at all.

and afterward — don't bring it up unless i do. i will process it. i always do, just on my own timeline, usually by writing, sometimes by sitting with it for a day or two before i have anything to say. rushing the debrief doesn't make me understand it faster, it just adds pressure to a system that's already spent.

i think about byung-chul han sometimes in relation to this — his idea that a society obsessed with transparency, with everything being immediately legible and explainable, leaves no room for things that need time to become visible even to the person inside them. an emotional breakdown, for me, is exactly that: not opaque out of secrecy, just not yet developed enough to be read. the kindest thing anyone can do is not demand the photograph before it's finished processing.

none of this is a complaint about the people around me — if anything it's the opposite. i'm lucky enough now to live with people patient enough to learn a different operating manual instead of insisting i run on the standard one. writing it out here, longer than the newsletter version, is partly for anyone else quietly building their own list of what helps, and partly just so i have it somewhere permanent, outside an inbox that gets refreshed daily and forgotten.

✦ as i mentioned before.

i have stalkers. this makes me feel anti-social, traumatized, hysterical. i don't feel comfy around people. my family sees me moody, but i know if i will go to a psychic ward i will cry without my family and will ask to go back to them. i am codependent with family, especially emotionally. i don't know if family believes me - rather they do but just. probably. i don't know. i love them but need to deal with this on my own. i don't want to leave them because i am emotionally codependent and that's it. i am really attached. but neither them nor even the mediators solved the situation. everybody are ineffective. i don't blame family though, they just don't know how to operate with stalkers. they can't protect themselves. they don't care even about their own safety. they are simply naive and have given up. as for me i am anti social and i hate people. especially outside the family. i am far from a good person, to be honest. i am not leaving my family because i just hate everyone else. it's harsh. will need intense therapy.

✦ did spoil my day by going out and triggering myself but then...

did go out, got bullied by kids... well, i had a lecture at home after. "anything but the self-hate, dear". i'd love to, but it's hard to keep my mental state stable...

so, i have new posts on tumblr. many.

✦

i exhausted myself. especially by my constant antagonism with people. i am pregnant dammit i need to rest - but i set things on fire... the day was a mess and i did exhaust myself I admit. at least the evening is calmer than a start.

they read us everywhere! i mean... my family blog site. just look ↓ ha!

✦

нас читають всюди! ну, тобто мій сімейний блог. просто гляньте! ха!

18.08.2026 (1)

✦ daily thoughts

as i am drinking my wild rose tea i think of going slow again. and surrounding myself with family. i did update my family blog lastly and i am glad that my life has some progress now. i am taken care of. pregnancy went mostly well. i am anxious before my first delivery because it's first... but i will manage.

i kinda love to meditate to some ambient lastly

#music #daily life #family blog

18.08.2026

✦ daily diary

new posts on tumblr

on having the stalking experience (1), (1.2), on the performance of neoliberalism (2), on character headcanons (3).

trying to keep my routines yet life is a bit chaotic. ✦

#diary #tumblr posts

12.08.2026 (2)

✦ daily routines 2

i journaled in my physical journal today using some prompts, and it helped a little.

i've been using coloured pens to make it more fun and whimsical, and honestly i think that's part of why i actually enjoy doing it.

there's something nice about making self-reflection feel less like homework and more like a tiny creative ritual. ✦

#writing habit #journaling #whimsy

12.08.2026 (1)

✦ daily routines

i've been reading manhwa today, and somehow it helped me meditate.

the one i'm reading is i only need your child, your grace. i think i've always been drawn to stories where the circumstances are far from comfortable, especially in comic book series. there's something about watching characters navigate difficult situations that keeps me completely absorbed.

i also want to develop a habit of reading more, but i get tired from dense text pretty quickly. so maybe comics are the perfect starting point for me — a little less friction, lots of visual information, and still a story to get lost in.

maybe reading doesn't have to begin with forcing myself through a 500-page novel. maybe it can begin with one chapter of a manhwa and simply letting myself be absorbed by it.

#manhva #meditation #reading habit

12.08.2026

✦ oversharing is violence - a statement

when i overshared my partner it was abusive to him. i am sorry. i crossed his boundaries.

when my stalkers overshare me and these are people i don't know and they do it without my will - it is violence. that is my opinion.

involuntary oversharing is violence and i do believe in it.

stalkers have a war with me and consider oversharing freedom and 1. me attacking their freedom 2. my partner attacking mine. i dissagree.

i may seem conservative on the data question but i think privacy and gatekeeping are freedom. oversharing is not. end of statement.

#my opinion on the information question #share or not to share

11.08.2026 (1)

✦ i watched an essay yesterday

there are things i disagree with - well, as one might expect, i disagree on experience getting better by being communal. but many points refreshed my perspective. see more on tumblr.

#youtube essay #algorithm #capitalism #well... many thoughts #commodification

11.08.2026

✦ not so communal

post about the validation culture - i know i often do those, but my feelings are really complicated. see more on tumblr.

#privacy #solitude #internet culture #parasociality #social media #personal identity #community #personal branding #digital culture #quiet life

09.08.2026 (2)

✦ slower internet and offline

made a post about my current life. see more on tumblr.

#slow living #out of algorithm #hermes #pregnancy #stubbornness

09.08.2026 (1)

✦ looking at the zoomers and remembering myself in my 20s

lol there's this one fandom i know people from and this is so funny. more in this post. this is somehow so funny i don't know even.

#yes it's dd fandom who else could it be #chaotic post #i am phd in fangirlism i know my subject #okay jk i am just 33

09.08.2026

✦ the family journal

i started a small family project. i often write on here how my family is a center of my life. i finally manifested it in something. blog is by this link.

#the family journal #using loveable #small project #small passion of a homebody who tries to get busy with something

08.08.2026

✦ diary i guess

i get likes on my fandom related posts on tumblr!

ordered wild rose berries and powder for drinking to cure my swelling, also i continue electrolytes.

also ordered some cute things like stickers and squish... new phone case and such. i did my doctor visit but it turns out i can visit again this month! ha... well, delivery day gets closer and closer.

yesterday smh felt nostalgic and listened to some anime soundtracks... and the weather now is not this cruel heat which is good. played sims a lot this week. smh more slow with movies or tv shows, took a pause. days are going.

#diary post #ordering online #pregnancy #media #nostalgia

✦ continuity is not the enemy of freedom

ten years ago social media was a space where things started — arab spring, gezi, euromaidan. ten years later it feels less like a space for revolutions and more like an enforcer of norms, a commodity. i keep sitting with that shift.

byung-chul han would say there was never really a "before" — the emancipatory reading of social media was a misreading from the start, not a later corruption of something pure. i wrote through what that means for metoo, maidan, an ongoing criticism of my own continuity in a relationship, and — unexpectedly — daredevil.

read the full post on tumblr →

06.08.2026 (1)

✦ diary again?

new post on my tumblr.

i think i struggle with the constantly becoming thing everybody speak so much about (and Han does as well, yes).

as i often overthink about will (or will not) i work after pregnancy and some period after birth... i stumble upon the productivity culture and certain mental maps of it... and yes, rituals here help a lot. they became a pert of my life with therapy. also my post tells about 2 types of push - inner (which Han speaks about) and outer which is crisis.

#rituals #byung-chul han #constantly becoming #personal experience

06.08.2026

✦ diary??? i guess...

played some sims. one particular guy is captured on my tumblr.

i also played with my other made up and pre-made-by-the-game characters quite a lot, espacially with the vacation and the university plotlines. overall i played in 3 towns.

i also check on myself during the last months of my pregnancy and (unfortunately) my legs swell, but this can be resolved by maintaining correct body position and electrolytes.

was listening to the essay to relax.

#the sims 2 #daredevil #pregnancy updates #youtube essay

04.08.2026

✦ off grid

currently i am busy with pregnancy check tests and also i am enjoying playing the sims a lot. as for the media - dunno what to watch yet, cause lawrence of arabia was looong, i am still pretty tired. sugar from apple is still not finished, though. and trying to survive the heat. my automation of news digest, food ideas and family letter works rather okay. living in slower pace. consumed a lot of cola zero today, the heat is strong.

#everyday life #medical checks #thesims #automation #heatwave #slowlife

03.08.2026

✦ a very inner thing

after reading some marshall rosenberg. on needs, and why no one can name yours for you. more in a post.

#nonviolent communication #marshall rosenberg #needs #audhd #accessibility #therapy

02.08.2026 (1)

✦ updates

added a bunch of new posts to facebook and tumblr. not gonna link them 'cause lazy and i am still on my movie watch. my online memory stone sort of works like this. and yet, i remind myself - don't post too much into burn out!

#new posts, #pop culture comment, #leavingatrace

02.08.2026

✦ Tarot

Today's Tarot: Nine of Swords · Four of Pentacles · The Star (XVII)

The progression of these three cards is very comforting: anxiety → holding on too tightly → healing.

Nine of Swords acknowledges your anxiety without judgment. It speaks of thoughts that become louder in isolation, fears that loop in the mind, and worries that feel bigger at night than they do in daylight. The card doesn't say the fear is reality—it says the mind is exhausted.

Four of Pentacles shows a common response to anxiety: trying to gain control by gripping tightly. We hold onto certainty, routines, possessions, beliefs, or outcomes because they make us feel safe. While stability is valuable, this card gently asks: *What are you holding so tightly that it leaves no room to breathe?

The Star (XVII) offers the way forward. Healing doesn't come from forcing yourself to stop being anxious—it comes from reconnecting with hope, trust, and your own inner resilience. The Star reminds you that recovery is gradual. You don't have to solve every problem today. You only need to take the next gentle step.

Meditation: "I notice my fears without becoming them. I loosen my grip where control is impossible and keep my hands open to hope. Peace grows one breath, one day, one small act of trust at a time."

#tarot #anxiety treatment #reflection #lettinggo

01.08.2026 (2)

✦ my strange relationship to validation

on creating posts for a stone... i shared some on x today, but i guess i will stop as i don't really need or like x. more in a post.

#externalvalidation #postinginavoid #leavingatrace

01.08.2026 (1)

✦ long vs short

short-form content is great for discovery. it helps us find ideas, people, music, art, and communities quickly. but after years of endless feeds, many people start craving something slower.

long-form content — blogs, essays, personal websites, archives — gives ideas space to grow. it allows more context, reflection, and connection.

maybe short-form is the doorway, but long-form is the place where we stay.

this is why the slow web and personal websites feel so refreshing: they are not just about being visible, but about creating something meaningful.

i also have a longer summary.

#neocities #slowweb #webrevival #digitalminimalism #indieweb #personalwebsites #blogging #internetculture #slowinternet

01.08.2026

✦ the dark side of the moon

pink floyd’s “the dark side of the moon” is an album about the hidden side of being human.

it explores time, aging, anxiety, money, consumerism, pressure, conflict, and the fear of losing yourself in the systems around you.

it’s not really a story with characters — it feels more like a journey through the human mind. the heartbeat at the beginning and the end makes it feel like a cycle: we enter life, experience all these fears and struggles, and return to ourselves.

the album asks questions that still feel relevant today: what happens when we spend our lives chasing things that are supposed to make us happy? what happens when society’s expectations become louder than our own voice? how do we deal with the parts of ourselves we try to hide?

“the dark side of the moon” is about those invisible things everyone carries: anxiety, regrets, dreams, memories, and the parts of ourselves we don’t always show.

maybe that’s why it still resonates so much. it’s an album about being human in a world that constantly demands more from us.

#pink floyd #the dark side of the moon #topics

31.07.2026 (5)

✦ update 2

whew, i think i got my day together anyway. i reduced tasks i usually do, though. it's time to slow down.

#calming after stress

31.07.2026 (4)

✦ update

situation seems to be stabilizing. moved the session to tomorrow. mediation activated. but i really need a pause now, yeah.

#still offline #getting myself together

31.07.2026 (3)

✦ time to shut down

i am so bad i missed my therapy session today. big anxiety attack, damage was done. i need to go offline. blog is off.

#urgently going offline

31.07.2026 (2)

✦ Leisure!!!

Hello again, here's some music.

#youtube #music #ambient

31.07.2026 (1)

✦ time for a cool essay of the day

i watched another cool essay. topic is digital surveillance and memory. more in a post.

#youtube #essay #digital footprint #memory

31.07.2026

✦ messages to mediators

requested help from mediators simply because the situation forced me to... more in a post 1 and post 2.

#conflict mediation

30.07.2026 (11)

✦ leisure

hello i posted a lot of complicated texts today and it's time for leisure... so how about some nice music?

enjoy

#sade #cool music #youtube

30.07.2026 (10)

✦ pause

okay, i will have some leisure time. it's time to rest and only rest! nothing else!

btw last argument was about motherhood, so... well... here's what i know in a post.

#too much posts today already #taking a break #motherhood and politics

30.07.2026 (9)

✦ forcing the end of the debate

i feel forced in this debate therefore i will delegate the whole thing to people who are already there and can do this better, more in this post.

#political debates #crossing boundaries #mediators #asking for help

30.07.2026 (8)

✦ yeah you guessed it - again polemics

someone in a debate told me that by making personal decisions without asking “the left” on social media first — leaving a platform, changing my work situation, choosing my own priorities — i was somehow betraying the movement.

that idea is strange to me because it treats a political tradition like a single organization with membership rules, more in the post.

#political ideology and individual #collective values and personal freedom #left theory #social media #nuance

30.07.2026 (7)

✦ 2 new posts

1. well, distancing from social media isn't the same as attacking people in them, more in the post.

2. i understand why somebody could hate ai yet i use it. more in the post.

#distancing from fast social media #ai dilemmas

30.07.2026 (6)

✦ good news

well i didn't have to be this anxious about the interpreter position chat... all is better than i thought. more in the post.

#employment opportunities #courses #boundaries

30.07.2026 (5)

✦ where i can build my self-worth again

believing i worth something without a paycheck, choices i made, knowledge i have - summed up in the post.

#education #philosophy #humanities #being a wife and a mother #resisting being devalued

30.07.2026 (4)

✦ why the sunset is simulated

on my blog aesthetic in this post.

#nostalgic aesthetic #philosophy

30.07.2026 (3)

✦ summary of that absurd debate

welp, somebody tried to convince me that modern left is scary in a weird way. more in this post.

#left theory #spreading doom #that's why i shifted the thing to mediators though

30.07.2026 (2)

✦ taroooot!

i decided to do some tarot because why not? see more in my post.

#tarot #having fun

30.07.2026

✦ i don't like to have a debate lit this so i opt out

i have a tumblr post about the recent debate that happened. it went highly absurd. see more in my post.

#philosophy #left theory #manipulating an argument #debate without logic #modern left vs ussr

29.07.2026 (8)

✦ getting myself busy (somebody didn't stay offline today! oops)

my current project is a prototype of a family blog. that was actually mom's idea... i don't really know how to do it, especially how to find an audience - mom said she will do that herself. i mostly got busy with design of the prototype and researching low price or no spending hosting... domain name might take money though. well, i love my family in anyway! at least could be a gift of some sort. don't know anything, don't know even if i will finish it... just getting myself busy. at least makes my mind healthier!

#getting busy to avoid overthinking #i don't know what i am doing yet #trying to build a site #family blog

29.07.2026 (7)

✦ hey, i am doing better than i think... come on girl

i a lot of overthinking today and bring my fears to the surface, but i ended up realizing that the actual truth is that i am not doing that bad! marriage and legalization is ongoing, money overthinking is just overthinking... which can be worked through. and objectively i did have some progress lastly, see more in my post.

#i can do it #money anxiety #it's okay to have a break

29.07.2026 (6)

✦ Some conclusions

I can't represent anyone but myself and I don't want to. And I am not a person which is gonna save everyone.

I need to stay myself and to what's true to me. And only me. I just disagree. I only can be myself... out of all people.

I can't shift to be likeable to everyone. Somebody will simply be even aggressive... yet somebody will help in that case. Sometimes you just get accidentally protected.

Hate me or love me, I am who I am. Refugee, pregnant woman, getting married to my partner - and he is who he is. We live with my family together. They are who they are. And that's who we all are, basically. I can't shift to values not close to mine, I can't merge with people different from me, etc etc. Everyone will be how they are. That's how the world is. At least I am rather safe now. Just a little annoyed. i will chill, though.

And yes accidental help is nice and makes you believe in things.

#getting negative attention #and conclusions after that #accidental help

29.07.2026 (5)

✦ I am often afraid that scary situation won't stop

There are people who came to help... But it won't help. It will just be happening and ruining my life.

I am often scared for my partner and family. The situation targets me, but I often think that they will be affected too.

I must repeat to myself "I am in a safe space. My family is alive and functional. Their lives are alright. As for me, they suport me."... I must repeat that to myself. Until it grounds in me.

#fears #getting negative attention

29.07.2026 (4)

✦ Ugh... need to be back offline

Well, I jumped on here because, well... I know some may disagree with me and criticize me, but I am who I am. Need to get back to my cave, though...

#offline life #being me in spite of things

29.07.2026 (3)

✦ Dependency

Biggest insult today "You're dependent!" or "You're codependent!"

Easy to get that in your face. Especially from people who unlike me hate their families. And think they are lucky to run. I didn't get such comments but the discourse online seems it's easy.

I can't relate to them. My family isn't super perfect, and I am not confident in their ability to save me from myself... but I see their effort.

I think I could be yelled at "You're a loser and a bad example! Anybody good could separate from family and stand on their feet!" I think that could happen. It doesn't, but I often imagine that.

Yes I think I am dependent. But also rather lucky. Even with let's say my family having some weird quirks... let's say my mom's weird obsession with astrology... I even have one as well now! That's why we truly are a family, we are alike!

There's this idea of "Ditch them! Ditch him! You can find better! Optimize! Upgrade! Betray and find better!" I don't believe that THIS is better, though. And what's an idea for a non-believer?

#dependency #hyper-individualism #fear of dependency pr fear of vulnerability and connection? #am i in conflict with this culture? #toughts

29.07.2026 (2)

✦ Fears

I often get to think that every society and every country will consider me a parasite if i am unemployed and economically inactive. That I will get kicked from any country to Ukraine to live under bombs but won't survive even there because you need to work and make money there too. That every society will consider me a bad parasitical person, every each one, and every group of people - nobody needs a person which does nothing. Not even my family and partner... I feel low self-worth. I often just overthink it, in a loop. That's what y therapy is about... Because of my fears I started being pretty fake everywhere. But especially I hate doing that with companies.

I need to heal and healthier motivation. If not to have a career, then just to be, even at home. To do things.

It doesn't work as motivation to tell yourself "I am a bad person I need to work and move my ass!". Self-hate isn't a motivation. It doesn't work. It only brings more ruin.

I have to quit that loop! I need to quit it for good.

#fears #idea of productivity going toxic #self-worth #how motivation works and how doesn't

29.07.2026

✦ Uncertain...

I am not sure about taking the job. First of all there's a lot of bureaucracy of getting hired. I think I lack some documents. Second... I don't really like phone interpretation and contacting people much, I have to admit it. And I need more therapy lastly and be with my family more... I am vulnerable now. Mental health is not that good. I don't think I will be productive at a job...

As for the scary situation. I started talking more. I opened up more to my family. I asked that second group to help and showed the my trust. I want to admit my weakness and need for my family, not to play a productive person.

I think I will cancel my application. i think I just need to admit I am afraid of what capitalism is, what normalization of a hustle culture is. I am just afraid. I want to look normal in society but I don't want to work and love a job. I can't be fake.

I am tired of playing a person that I think is normal. I just need therapy and healing. Enough!

#work and culture #fears #mental health #useless motivation

✦ Oops... a little more news ✦

Hello...

I'm still on my offline break, but I slipped back onto my blog just to share a tiny update.

So... I might have an opportunity to work as an interpreter. It looks like a project-based or part-time role, and honestly, I have no idea yet whether I'll combine it with my motherhood journey. Everything is still very much in the "maybe" stage.

Recently I received my C2 English certificate, and it made me realize that interpretation (English ↔ Ukrainian) is actually one of the few things that genuinely fits my skills. Even if we eventually move to Canada, it feels like something that could travel with me.

The funny thing is... I don't want to hustle anymore. I don't dream about climbing career ladders or living for a demanding 9-to-5. What I do want is to use skills I already have. There's a huge difference between enjoying a skill and enjoying "career culture." I still don't like the performance, the constant proving-yourself part of work life... but I do like learning, languages, helping to communicate, and getting better at something.

I went through a bit of a crisis over what a career is supposed to be. Burnout, endless productivity, becoming a machine... none of that appeals to me anymore. But maybe there's another way. Maybe work doesn't have to consume your whole identity. Maybe it can simply be something meaningful that fits into your life instead of taking it over.

We'll see how it goes. I don't want to say too much before I've actually tried it.

But... what if?

Thanks for reading. ♡

#life #career #interpreting #english #ukrainian #offline #slowliving #blog #thoughts #motherhood

28.07.2026 (2)

✦ On the silence and being offline

Today I am spending the day with my family. I have this difficulty where, as a neurodivergent person, I sometimes cannot explain my mental state to my family and my partner. The solution I found was AI — for example, I ask ChatGPT to help me form the first message, and then I can continue explaining things myself. I am still continuing my blog silence because I have a strong need to be offline. I only broke the silence for these two posts because I felt they were important. Wishing everyone a good day.

#offline life #communication #using tools #neurodivergency

28.07.2026

✦ Message

I encountered a frightening situation during the recent period of my life. Strange things happened, and I wasn’t even able to understand many of them. The only thing I understood is that there is one group of people who turned out to be aggressive and prone to making accusations, and another autonomous group that intervened on its own and did not agree with them. I cannot control this situation in any way. The only thing I can say is that I trust the second group. They are quite autonomous, and they stepped in by themselves to prevent the aggressive group from continuing. They are capable of handling things independently, so I do not want to even try to influence the situation. My message to the second group: you have my trust. You will handle it. Thank you.

#getting a weird attention #things you can and cannot control #conflict mediation

27.07.2026 (3)

✦ getting a pause

hello, i am taking a break. need to care of myself now. glad my posts on tumblr are noticed. also said that on tumblr.

#selfcare #digital minimalism

27.07.2026 (2)

✦ i have a post about therapy tricks! yay!

well i think i even used some of these... love the emphasis on environment though. though my motivation is different. see my post here.

#therapy #dr.k #mental health #audhd #anxiety #self-regulation #digital minimalism #coping tools

✦ hello i have new posts!

where i point out my frustration about what the girlboss-tradwife discourse misses and where i criticize the swipe-upgrade anxiety of modern love.

read part one →
read part two →

26.07.2026 (5)

✦ hey, losers are getting views

here's my take on the loser confessions essay on youtube... rather a polemic in some points, even tho i am happy about the trend itself! full thoughts on tumblr.

loser confessions, cringe, success culture, stoicism, byung-chul han, digital minimalism, authenticity, nihilism, debord, spectacle

✦ tumblr update ✦

quick tumblr update — thought about bowie today, his idea of art as refusal to yearn, creating for yourself rather than reaching for something. and a little post about the george harrison renaissance, the quiet beatle as 2026's unlikely icon. kinda relate to that one even as a millennial.

bowie post → · harrison post →

✦ no suprises

✦ i still hate social media though

nobody watched my farewell TikTok where I say that I leave this place... what a fitting day for a TikTok hater 🤣🤣🤣🤣 at least my disdain for social media seems mutual.

there's this pressure in modern society to be like the popular girl from a teen movie... i already mentioned nosedive. but no — i'd rather be a quiet grump. that's my version of freedom.

i have my family as a real privilege and protection. my situation would be a lot harder without that support. i lean on them, especially since i'm not very social.

i wonder sometimes if i'm actually antisocial, or if i just come across that way. i'm against the social-media, be-likeable, be-popular kind of culture, which probably does mean i'm somewhat antisocial by nature too. or maybe it's more that the social performance itself wears on me... with my neurodivergency in mind, that kind of theatre can feel less like a norm and more like a quiet pressure, something enforced rather than chosen. i don't feel free inside that framework. i need approval to function in it, and that's exactly what i resist. so, honestly — f@ck it. i still push back like a teenager might, which is a little ridiculous, but it's how i genuinely feel.

family feels like a shelter from needing approval from people outside it. though i do wonder about the flip side — i'm not sure how i'd manage if they weren't able to work and handle the social world on my behalf. i clearly struggle in a culture built around constant likeability. i don't want to chase being likeable — it feels less like a goal and more like a cage. sorry if this still comes out sounding like teenage angst, but that's genuinely where i'm at.

longer version

26.07.2026

✦ welp

did chill about my linkedin hate today, but still a skeptic at heart. lots of reflection lately... and i got a c2 english certificate! ✦

more on my tumblr

#reflection #freelance #linkedin